Hello,
Being an author is a strange business. It wasn't that long ago I was a struggling writer with no publisher, no agent and everything I wanted felt so far away. The dream back then was to get an agent and my book published. That felt not only impossible but the pinnacle of my dreams. It was the promised land. Surely, if I achieved that, the worrying would stop.The endless nights lying in bed thinking about it would be over.
But now I've achieved that - and the excitement and disbelief has worn off a bit - I feel like I still have the longest way to go. When I look at the writers ahead of me - the writers I have long since admired and wanted to emulate - it feels like I'll never get anywhere near them. And this is what being a writer is like.
I'm sure J.K.Rowling doesn't feel this way because when she looks at her peers, they're all behind her. I'm sure she has other worries though; little snags in the pattern of her creative life that cause her to have the occasional sleepless night. But for writers like me, just setting out, barely registering their mark on the literary world, scrambling and trying to fight my way to the top, it feels like an impossible struggle.
However, I wouldn't swap what I do for anything. I love writing. It's the only thing I've ever wanted to do and I'm so thankful I get to do it for a living. And it wasn't that long ago that where I am now seemed impossible. Maybe one day I'll be looking over my shoulder at more and more writers while the number in front gets a little bit smaller and a smidgen closer. Maybe.
Until next time.
Hugs,
Jon X
