Another sneak peak at my novel

Because you've all been such well behaved little blogites recently, here is a treat. Another sneak peak at my novel, This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary.

Sunday January 15th, 1:00pm

           

In kitchen. Waiting for Yorkshire puddings to cook. Emily watching TV. Pain in side still there. Squirrel in the garden eating an olive (it seems we have Wimbledon’s only bourgeois squirrel).

I had a very high-brow dream last night that I was giving a lecture on the correct pronunciation of Russian words. Very odd. Emily had morning sickness for the first time today. She looks miserable, poor thing.

            I went to see Granddad at the old people’s home yesterday and the first thing he said when I walked in was.

"It's so hard not to be a racist these days, Harry." I asked him what he meant and he said. "I was talking to this darky fella. From Africa he was. I mentioned that I thought Sammy the Paki had stolen my apple. Next thing the darky fella said I shouldn't use the word Paki because it's derogatory. I told him that Sammy was from Pakistan and a thief. I tell you, Harry, things aren't what they used to be. It's not like the good ol' days."

            Granddad’s always going on about ‘the good ol' days', like there was a magical period of time when people would stand on street corners and just give out money and magicians wandered the streets, producing doves for our amusement. When you could buy a new house for a shiny penny, a car with a cheeky smile and every night there was a good old knees-up at the pub. Sort of like Eastenders but without the drama and violence. The only problem with ‘the good ol’ days' is that no-one actually knows when it was, where it was and if it even existed.

            "How's everything going apart from the racism and the theft, Granddad?"

            "I need to have sex, Harry. I need to feel the pleasure of a woman's touch before I die.”

            "Emily and I are having a baby."

            "Sex, sex, sex!" Granddad said before Sammy (the Pakistani fella) walked past eating an apple and all hell broke loose. Granddad had to be restrained by two staff members. "I didn't fight in two world wars to have my apple stolen by a bloody Pakistani!" Granddad shouted across the lounge as he was escorted away. For the record, he didn't fight in either war.

As I was leaving the home, I heard someone shout. “Spirit of the dam busters!” And I’m sure it was Granddad.


This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.


Blog soon x

Things I do that really annoy my wife

Harry, the the main character in my novel, comes to realise that marriage is:

"...about loving someone because of their faults and flaws. It's about living with them despite all of their annoying habits..."

This got me thinking about all the things I do that annoy my wife. Surprinsingly, when I started thinking about it, there were quite a few. Here's the top five (not in order of annoyance):

1 - The toilet paper goes over not under (or is it the other way around?)
I don't know why this is such a big deal. I don't, honestly. Does it matter whether the toilet roll goes over or under? According to my wife, YES! It seems that whichever way I do it (still not sure which), it's supposed to go the over way. There's probably a good reason, there usually is, I just don't know what it is.

2 - My man-tention span.
Another problem that Harry and I share. Listening, but not hearing. This usually occurs whenever I'm busy and Kristin starts talking to me. At that moment, I should stop whatever it is I'm doing and listen. I realise that. However, frequently, I don't. I try to watch telly, continue reading, continue writing while listening and that's when it happens. My man-tention span gets the better of me because five seconds after she's told whatever it is she wanted me to know, I've forgotten. This is fine if what's she's saying is trivial, but sometimes it's important and that's when I get in trouble - and rightly so (sorry baby).

3 - Losing lids to tupperwear containers.
I honestly don't know how this happens. I do my very best to always keep the lids with the containers, but somehow they always go missing. It's a mystery. Kristin, of course, says it isn't a mystery but me. She's probably right.

4 - Being a duvet hog.
Now, technically, this isn't my fault. I'm asleep. I can't control asleep Jon. He does whatever it is he does during the night and then come morning, I take over again. We have a deal. Unfortunately, asleep Jon is a bit of a nob and likes to get me in trouble. So, during the night, when everyone's asleep, he reaches across the bed and pulls all of the duvet off Kristin and onto me. I imagine him as some sort of Dickensian villian.

5 - Breaking things.
Again, I don't know how this happens, but it does. I realise that we all break things. It's a perfectly normal part of life. However, I seem to break things frequently and not just things, but Kristin's things. I have this incredible knack of locating Kristin's things and breaking them. I even do my best to stay away from her things, but still, like a rampaging, careless magnet, they seem to find me and before I know what's happened, they're broken. I'm like a modern day, Lennie from Of Mice and Men.


This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.


Blog soon x

About inspiration

I'm a writer. As my dad might say, "it's in my water." I can't help it. When I'm not writing, I'm thinking about writing and when I'm writing, I'm happy. I can't imagine a world where I didn't write and if there is one, I bet the other me isn't as happy. He's probably more succesful and earns more money, but he's probably miserable doing it. So, what makes me want to write?

I wanted to be a writer from a very early age. I didn't sit my parents down at age five and tell them, "Mummy, Daddy, I want to pursue a career as a fiction writer!" or anything so pretentious, but I've always been creative and felt a strong urge to write.

My earliest inspiration was probably, 'The Wind in the Willows'. I must have devoured it at least fifty times before the age of ten. It opened up a whole new world to me. I even remember having dreams about living on the riverbank and being a part of the story. I was a strange child.




My next source of inspiration was the work of Roald Dahl. Between the ages seven to fourteen, I must have read every single word he wrote. I was besotted and still am today. The man is a genius. From 'The Witches', 'Fantastic Mr Fox' to 'James and the Giant Peach', I read them all again and again. I didn't know then that I wanted to follow in his footsteps, but he encouraged me to start write. I remember one particular story about a goldfish that became a pair of socks. Goldsocks was the title. Again, I was a strange child.





My first foray into adult literature was, 'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole'. I loved this and the sequels. They're a big influence on my current novel and not just because they're both written as diaries or about growing-up, but because they're both comedies about the mundane.



After Adrian Mole, there have been a number of important works that have inspired me. There's too many to mention in detail, but here are some abridged literary highlights:



The Catcher in the Rye - probably my favourite book ever and still the benchmark.



Fever Pitch - probably the first book I ever read about me (or at least someone just like me). It made me realise that I could write about things that I found interesting and if I did, someone might actually read it.



Turning Thirty - Another book that made me appreciate that I didn't need to be a slightly podgy (but not really), self-obsessed, unlucky-in-love, thirtysomething woman to write a funny book about life and love. Mike Gayle's doing exactly what I want to be doing. Writing funny books about people like just like us with the same hang-ups, problems and idiosyncracies.

There are more, of course, but I won't bore you to death with them all. There's films, television shows, music, people and more books, and each in some way, has spurred me on. Then there's the biggest inspiration of all -  life. Nothing has given me more material, greater pleasure and characters, than life. It's what drives me on and gives me the engine to get there.


This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.


Blog soon x

Another sneak peek at my novel

Tuesday January 3rd, 10:00 am

In study. Emily at work. Blustery showers on their way from the North (according to the BBC weatherman).

            Last night, when Emily got home from work, I made her a sumptuous dinner of citrus seared tuna with crispy noodles, herbs and chilli (thanks Jamie Oliver). She seemed impressed. I opened a bottle of Italian red and attempted to have a proper conversation. I was open, honest and everything that she claims that I’m not. I told her about my lunch with Ben and watching the squirrel, which, to be honest, just seemed to confuse her, but she listened intently and when I’d finished she said very calmly.

            “Harry, don't freak out, but I’m pregnant!”

            "But, what, where, when...how?"

            "About three weeks ago. We both had our work Christmas parties.”

            "Not ringing any bells."

"I came home drunk and you were eating a lamb kebab."

"Oh, right, yeah, the lamb shish, I remember."

            "That's what jogged your memory? Anyway, I forgot to take my pill that day and we were a little lax with the condom."

            "Shit."

            "I took the pregnancy test on Saturday and it was positive."

            "Are you sure though because pregnancy tests are notoriously hard to read?"

            "It said pregnant, in words."

            "Oh."

            "I'm definitely pregnant, Harry. You’re going to be a father.”

            "But if you were pregnant all along, why were you asking me if I wanted to be a dad? Why didn't you just tell me straight away? I'm confused, Emily." (For the record I still am).

            "Because I knew it would be a big deal and I thought, well, that maybe if I could get you used to the idea first. I'm sorry Harry, but you know what you're like." (Awesome)

At that point, I slipped into something resembling a coma. Emily was still talking but I was locked inside my own little world, until I was brought crashing back to reality.

“Harry, are you listening to me?"

            "Sorry, I was thinking."

            "I know this is a lot to digest, but it's not the time to have a bloody mid-life crisis."

            "Who's having a mid-life crisis? I'm not having a mid-life crisis."

"Because the last thing I need at the moment is you losing touch with reality. You're going to be ready aren't you, Harry?"

I don’t think I’m having a mid-life crisis. For a start, I’m only thirty-two. Sometimes Emily can be very irrational. I didn't know what to say. Am I ready to be a dad? Am I going to be a good father? I didn’t know. Unfortunately, while I was thinking, I slipped into another coma and before I knew what was happening, Emily was screaming at me.

“For fuck's sake, Harry, when are you going to grow up?" Then she stormed out of the room.

1:00pm

Still waiting for the blustery showers from the North. Eating a packet of prawn cocktail crisps. Squirrel outside taunting me with his carefree happiness. Pain in my side.

            In an attempt to delay the onset of middle-aged spread, I did some push-ups and sit-ups before bed last night and almost fainted. I’ve had a sharp pain in my side ever since.

            I was supposed to clean out the shed this week, but I can’t be bothered. I looked up the pain in my side and it could be anything from a stitch, kidney tumour, kidney stones, shingles, to an impending heart attack! Fantastic, I tried working out and it could lead to early death!

I have made a list of pros and cons about having a baby:

Pros

Babies are cute and generally considered to be a good thing. It will make my mother the happiest mother in the whole world. It will make Emily the happiest wife in the whole world. It might even make me happy. We will have someone to take care of us when we’re old. I’ll have someone to mould in my own image. It might be fun. I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to be a super old dad.

Cons

They’re expensive. They shit a lot. Lack of sleep. It would severely hamper our freedom. No more weekend lay-ins. It might destroy our sex life (I’ve heard horror stories from other men). Am I ready to say goodbye to our sex life forever? What if it destroys our marriage? At the moment we have a good life. We have two steady jobs and a nice house in a good part of London. Am I ready to put all of that in jeopardy for a baby? Lastly (and most importantly I think) every couple we know with kids are the most boring people in the whole world. All they ever want to talk about is their bloody kids i.e. “Last week Angus did his first banana shaped poo, it was just too adorable.” Am I ready to become that dull? Am I ready to openly discuss poo with my nearest and dearest?

 

This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.

Blog soon x

Ridiculous Royal wedding news article #1

Wills and Kate are getting married and so, of course, it's silly season in the news. I came downstairs this morning, popped on the computer with my morning cup of tea in hand and this was a main article on Yahoo. 'Top 10 Kate and William locations'. They had compiled a list of places that William and Kate had been or as they rather enthusiastically put it...

"...So, the news is out! Prince William has popped the question and Kate Middleton will one day be a queen! But where did it all begin and where can you go to experience a flavour of the royal romance? Check out our top 10 Kate and William locations to find out..."

Ok, so as you know loyal blog readers, I'm a big fan of the Royals. I'm excited about the wedding, but do I really need to visit places they've been and if I do, will some of that royal wedding magic rub off on me?

They list such places as, St Andrews in Scotland, Windsor Castle, Chiswick, Anglesey in Wales, Notting Hill and Eton College. Apparently a brief visit to any of these places will not only make you feel like a future King or Queen for the day, but will enhance your whole royal wedding experience. So, in the spirit of shoddy journalism, I've decided to compile a list of places that will make you feel much closer to me. Here goes:

Southampton, England. Jon spent his formative years in Southampton. He was often seen drinking at various establishments around town, especially Bedford Place and The Rhino night club, before moving onto a late-night kebab house. This south coast jewel is also home to Southampton Football Club, was the departing port for the Titanic and home to Chris Packham, presenter of the children's television show, The Really Wild Show (1986 - 1995), along with the loveable and hairy, Terry Nutkins.

Tottenham, London.  During his University years, Jon spent a considerable amount of time in and around Tottenham, North London. He frequented the Railway Tavern pub, where he was often spotted having a few pints, before stumbling back with a bag of chips in hand after closing time. He was once asked to leave after a particularly bad evening of Karaoke. Tottenham is also famous for Tottenham Hotspurs Football Club and Broadwater Farm, infamously known as one of the worst places to live in the UK.

Sydney, Australia. Famous for it's lively night-life, great beaches and being a haven for back-packers, Jon spent a year in Sydney sampling it's multi-facated delights. He was often seen slumped outside Scruffy Murphys, a distant faraway look on his face or lined up outside Hannah's pie shop in Ultimo.

San Diego, California.  Home to Sea World, Lego Land, San Diego Zoo, The Chargers and of course the man himself, Jon Rance. This southern Californian hot spot is where Jon now calls home. You will find him at Oceanside Harbour, tucking into fish and chips or at his in-laws, sinking pints from the Kegerator.


So, as you can see despite our differing social positions, Prince William and I have much in common. We're both well travelled, both went to University, both lived in London, both married/marrying a commoner and we both have shoddy articles about us online.


You can check-out the actual article here: http://uk.travel.yahoo.com/p-promo-3360246

This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.


Blog soon x

Excerpt #2

Monday January 9^th, 10:00pm

          In bed. Emily asleep and snoring loudly. Dribbling with rain.

            Emily and I had an arguement over breakfast this morning. We were at the table when I spotted a bargain in the newspaper.

            “We have to buy this,” I said pointing at the newspaper excitedly. “A 1966, VW camper van, partially restored, needs a bit of work, but otherwise in good working order. Need to sell quickly. Best offer accepted. We need this, Emily.”

            “We don’t,” she said, not even looking at me.

            “This was our dream remember? When we first met, we said how amazing it would be to get a camper van and travel around the country, maybe Europe.”

            “It would’ve been good, ten years ago, Harry, but it’s too late now.”

            “Why is it too late?”

            “Because we’re having a baby.”

            “Even more reason to get it. The kid will love it. Holidays in the camper van. It will be our thing.”

            “No.”

            “Just like that, no.”

            “Yes.”

            “Why?”

            Emily stopped eating her toast, closed the book she was reading and looked at me with that look. The look that says beware. The look that says stop talking, shut up and listen.

            “Because this is just another entry on the long list of Harry’s wonderful ideas that will end up in the shed.”

            “What’s that supposed to mean?”

            “The radio controlled airplane you bought two years ago and how many times did you use that?”

            “That’s unfair because it broke during take-off and I haven’t got around to getting it fixed yet.”

            “The skateboard, the roller blades, wind surfing?”

            “Well, yes, but...”

            “And where exactly is your wind surfing board at the moment?”

            “Well, it’s in the shed, but...”
            “Along with the calligraphy set you so desperately wanted.”

            “It’s nice to want to write properly.”

            “Model railway world?”

            “It would’ve been incredible.”

            “If it had made out of the box. Don’t you see, Harry, this is just another one of your great ideas that will end up cluttering up the shed.”

            “But this is different.”

            “That’s what you said about the worm farm.”

            “Well, a VW camper wouldn’t fit in the shed!”

            “No, it would sit on our driveway for years rusting away until I forced you to sell it. Listen, honey, I’m not trying to be difficult, but we don’t need this. You always get these silly ideas in your head, which was fine when it was small things and we didn’t have a baby on the way, but it’s time to grow-up and stop buying crap just because it’s your pipe-dream of the day.”

            “But this is for the both of us.”

            “Like the tandem bike you brought on eBay?”

            “Well, yes, I grant you that didn’t exactly work out.”

            “And what makes you think this will? It needs work and you know nothing about cars. You can’t even change the oil in the car we have.”

            “I could learn.”

            “You could, but you won’t. The answer’s no.”

            “And that’s your final answer?”

            “Yes.”

            “Fine,” I said like a petulant child. “But just remember the next time you want to buy another pair of shoes that you’ll wear once and throw in the back of the wardrobe that we had this conversation.”

            “Fine,” said Emily and then we finished our breakfast in silence. I really must clean out the shed.


This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.


Blog soon x

Writing my book blog #1

This is essentially a blog about my novel and so I thought I should probably write something about it.

First up, I love this book. I've spent the last 5 years writing and this is the first time I've written something that I think is good enough to be published. My first two novels were stepping stones. When I read them now I cringe. Not literally like some sort of Dickensian villian, but they do make me realise how far I've come as a writer.

The book is essentially a comedy about growing up, about longing for the past and learning that sometimes (actually most of the time) life isn't always greener. It's about relationships. The relationships with we have with others and ourselves. Harry (the main character), is a regular bloke, a typical bloke in many respects, but as the book goes on he starts to realise what's important in life, especially when he's on the verge of losing it all.

This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary, was born out of an idea I had to write a novel in a diary format. Then, being a recent first-time father, I started mulling over ideas and I thought about using some of the experiences I'd had. The terrorist neighbours, the sexy ex-girlfriend Facebook affair, randy Granddad and the love-sick squirrel just sort of fell into place after that.

I started writing it at the beginning of this year and after uploading a few chapters online, I was soon aproached by an online publisher who wanted to publish it. Together we worked on a deadline and suddenly I had less than a year to finish it. I finished the first draft in October and now I'm working on the re-write (and this blog).

Keep checking back for more details.

This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.

Blog soon x

Grumpy list #1

I get annoyed very easily these days. In my formative, adolescent years, I wandered through life blissfully unaware (mainly because I was too busy thinking about girls, boobies and how I could attain girls and boobies), but now I can barely go a minute without blowing my top over some absurd gripe. I've also started to realise that despite my overwhelming desire for change and improvement, some things are set in stone and whether I like it or not, they probably aren't ever going to change.

So, I started making a list of all of the things that annoy me, things that will never change and personal grievances that grate on me. It's my grumpy list.

This is the grumpy list #1

1: England will never win the World Cup. Sorry, but they just aren't. It's horrible to imagine, but lets face facts, England are utter rubbish when it comes to the World Cup. We can discuss tactics, not enough English players are playing in the Priemership (blah, blah, blah), but when it comes down to brass tacks (not an expression I use that often), our players just aren't good enough and they bottle it on the big stage. The good news is that now I've accepted it and moved on, I feel a lot better about it and you will too.

2: The general public will always be generally quite stupid. Most people are morons and the sooner we acknowledge that and move on the better.

3: Reality television is unfortunately here to stay. I really loath reality television. It makes the general public (the morons) into celebrities for no other reason that they're stupid and somehow got to be on telelvision. This tells our children that you can be a stupid, moronic, idiot and be succesful. I'd rather live in a world where success was based upon achievment, intelligence, compassion, culture and hard work than whether a jealous idiot roomate evicts another inane roomate because they told the tall, Northern moronic twat behind their back about their kiss with the not so good-looking, podgy rough roommate. Who cares about this asanine drivel? I just hope my kids don't.

4: Having to get up and pee during the night is just something that happens as you get older. It creeps up on you like, well, like a pee during the night. It starts in your late twenties with the occasional midnight shuffle to the toilet, but by your mid-thirties it's an every night occurance. My bladder capacity is shrinking faster than my capacity to remember peoples names.

5: Global warming will only be taken seriously by governments when it's too late. Oh, a bit of Politics. It seems so simple when you think about it. We know the problem, we know how to fix it and the governments have the power to fix it, but they don't. Why? Money, obviously. I hope they enjoy going to bed on their larges piles of cash because one day we're going to wake up and find dead penguins floating past H&M on Oxford Street.

More Grumpy lists coming soon!


This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.

Blog soon x

Excerpt from my novel, This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary

JANUARY

Sunday January 1st, 2:30pm

 In kitchen. Emily upstairs. Cloudy overhead. I think it might rain.

Less than a day into the bright, sparkly new year and already I'm in the dog house. What have I done wrong you may wonder? No bloody idea. All I know is that Emily’s acting very strangely. I heard the toilet flush about fifteen minutes ago, but otherwise silence. I’m afraid to go up there.

            This morning, while I was moping about on the sofa regretting my decision to keep drinking past midnight (not 18 anymore Harry) she went out, "for a walk". While we were having lunch, she said.

“Harry, what do you think about kids?”

            “I couldn’t eat a whole one.” She didn’t laugh.

            “I’m being serious.”

I explained that being a teacher gave me a skewed view on children. To me they are scheming, devious, annoying, obnoxious little urchins. Then she asked if I was ready to have one of our own. I told her to read between the lines. She looked mad and said.

“For Christ’s sake, Harry, you just don’t understand. You just don’t fucking understand!” And then she stormed out of the room and went upstairs.

I just checked the calendar to see if she was pre-menstrual and then made her a cup of tea as a peace offering.

4:30 pm

Having a fag by the back-door. Emily upstairs getting ready. It just started to rain.

            It’s the first day of January and already this year’s looking as bleak and gloomy as Charles Dickens novel . I went upstairs with my peace offering and she was in bed reading a book.

Emily’s beautiful. Her Irish roots have given her a thick mane of dark, auburn hair, which over the years has been long, short and for a month a few years ago blond (a disaster I’m still being blamed for, but as I explained at the time, I’m not a professional colourist). Her lily-white skin is offset by her rosy red cheeks (which she hates, but I adore) and her deep, dark eyes, which can (and do) hold conversations on their own.

I placed the tea on her night stand and said in a really jaunty tone.

“There you go, baby, a nice cup of tea.” She didn’t say anything and continued reading her book in a miserable silence. Not wanting to take this laying down, I did. “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what for, but best to apologise anyway. Whatever I’d done wrong, she was making it perfectly clear that it was going to take more than a cup of tea to fix. Perhaps I should’ve taken up a couple of biscuits.

            Eventually, when the cold shoulder had become bloody frosty, she slammed her book shut, rolled over and fixed me with a Himalayan stare.

“Harry, I want to have a baby.”

            “But we’ve already talked about this.”

Twice last year she brought up the subject and both times I gave the same reply. I’m not ready. I don’t know why exactly, but I’m just not ready to give up what we have. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I love our life the way it is. I love the fact that if we wanted to, we could spend the weekend in Dublin or Dubrovnik. Admittedly, the chance of us going to either is fairly slim, but at least we have the option.

            “Well, I want to talk about it again, Harry. I want a family.”

“But...”

            “But what? Give me one good reason why we can’t.”

Shit. She had me by the short and curlies and she knew it. At that point I should probably have told her how much I loved her. I should probably have mentioned that I definitely wanted a family one day. However, my mind was blank and so I said.

            “Because what about our trip to Italy? We said that we would definitely do that before we had kids.”

            “And we can, babe. We can go in the next couple of months, I promise. Just say that you’ll think about it, please?”

I took the easy way out and agreed to think about it. This led to a cuddle and a kiss. Women are so sneaky. Men are so weak. Why does starting a family scare me so much?

            Dinner tonight at Steve and Fiona’s in Worcester Park. They have three kids and the audacity (or stupidity) to give them all names beginning with the letter J (Jane, Joseph and James) How mental is that?

It's still a work in progress, but strides are being made, hopefully in the right direction.

This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.


Blog soon x

The five rules of being a stay at home Dad

#1 - The first rule of being a stay at home Dad is, you do not talk about being a stay at home Dad.

#2 - The second rule of being a stay at home Dad is, you DO NOT talk about being a stay at home Dad.

#3 - If it's the first nappie of the day you have to change it.

#4 - If the baby won't stop crying, won't eat or doesn't need their nappie changed, it's time for a nap.

#5 - Naps will last as long as they have to.


This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.

Blog soon x

A royal blog

Well, it finally happened. Wills and Kate are getting hitched and everyone's pretty happy about it. As they should be.

I remember the last big royal wedding (no, not Andy and Fergie), but Charles and Diana. I was only six, but I remember sitting down in our lounge and watching it on the telly. It didn't mean much to me at the time, but I knew it was important (they'd cancelled the children's programes). We had a big street party and I wore a ridiculously large hat (thanks Mum), which itched the whole time I wore it. We sang, drank (orange squash for the kids), eat small sandwiches and gave thanks that we were English and not from some Godforsaken part of the world like Wales for example. It was a glorious day.

So, what for the big royal wedding next year? Well, I for one, am quite excited about it.

It's been a difficult few years and this is a chance for everyone to pull together, put on ridiculously large hats and celebrate. After-all, not every country has a royal family to get excited about. So what you say, they're outdated, unpopular and a drain on the taxpayers (blah, blah, blah). Tosh, I say. The royal family are tremendous. Imagine all of those school trips to castles you wouldn't have gone on and the millions of annoying tourists that flood to London every year to get their glimpse of our history. Annoying they may be, but it does fill me with a certain sense of pride that it's our history they're being annoying about.

So, to William and Kate, they seem like a nice couple don't they. William is a popular bloke, while Kate fits the role perfectly. She's pretty, is apparently normal (she's working class just like us), even though she speaks just like the Queen (I think they've been giving her lessons), but you can't help but quite like her. A new Diana? God, I hope not.

What I'm looking forward to most is watching it with my family. My daughter will only be two, my son barely a few months old, and my American wife still doesn't understand why it's so important, but it will be a glorious day nevertheless. I plan on making small sandwiches, drinking orange squash and maybe even wearing a big hat, because that's just what you do for a royal wedding.


This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.

Blog soon x

Time for a smooth dose of blurb

So, just in case you're wondering what's my novel's all about, here's the blurb in all it's short paragraphed beauty:


Being a Thirtysomething man isn’t easy (especially when you still yearn to be a Twentysomething man). Meet Harry Spencer, history teacher, lover of snack food and terrified of growing up. However, when his wife Emily drops the P-Bomb, Harry is suddenly thrust into the role of expectant father. Cue baby doctor visits, breast-pump demonstrations, morning sickness, food cravings, self-help books, family therapy sessions, trips to Mothercare, cold sweats and the birthing class from hell.

However, when he’s tempted by the greener grass of an ex-girlfriend past, he must make the most important decision of his life. Will Harry have what it takes to become a man or will he succumb to the lure of adolescent fantasy? And when Emily finds out, will he be able to save his marriage or will his efforts to finally grow-up all be in vain?

With an eclectic cast of extras including his gregarious Grandfather, who just wants to have sex before he dies, terrorist neighbours (who aren’t quite what they seem), Steve and Fiona (the most annoying parents in the world) and a love-sick squirrel.

Set in London, This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary,  is a love story about what happens after we've fallen in love. Brutally honest, riotously funny and often heartwarming, this is a diary about one man’s bumbling journey on the road to adult (and father) hood.

This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary will be available to buy at http://ma2books.webplus.net/ next May.




Blog soon x

Hello

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

So, I've decided to become one of those people. You know the ones. The people who blog. Funny word really. Sounds like it's something you probably shouldn't be doing, but for some reason just can't help yourself.

Anyway, the reason I'm blogging is because I'm working on my novel, This Thirtysomething Life: A Diary, and apparently being a writer nowadays is all about blogging. Also, my novel is essentially one, big, funny (he says hopefully) blog. It's a diary about one man's bumbling journey on the road to becoming an adult.

So, this is it. The blog about, well, another blog. I'll keep you updated about the book, about me, about things that annoy me, surprise me, make me laugh and I hope you'll enjoy it.

For the time being it's goodbye,

Blog soon x